How vague is that.
Be yourself – quite possibly the most commonly used phrase in the history of individualist-based advice. Be yourself. What does it even mean, to be yourself? And is it really as easy as it sounds? Oscar Wilde once said with his usual wit, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken”. As humorous as this might seem, it’s a basic summation of the truth. I mean, how could you possibly be yourself if (1) you don’t know who you are; and (2) you don’t accept yourself the way you are. Agreed?
Find yourself and define yourself on your terms.
Let me (attempt to) do that. Here and now.
The first thing that comes to mind is I need to decipher what it is that I value. Since that will help me piece together which attributes make me, me. I suppose one way is to review choices I’ve made, and roads I’ve travelled. The things I would do in a heartbeat, and things that I wouldn’t. All of which have, in some shape or form, defined me over the years.
Defined me, but based on my own terms. Terms I’m absolutely comfortable with. And while I may have felt self-conscious in the beginning, over time (and with age, ahem), it got easier. Being in the company of those who accepted me, helped.
And, in determining my values, to understand it’s quite alright if some of them appear at odds. Being human, my values are derived from a myriad of sources and influences, including (but not limited to) culture, religion, experiences, role models. It’s all part of being a multi-faceted person. One which can’t be categorised or pigeon-holed (I can live with that). The key thing is I hold onto what feels most true to me, and only me.
PART OF DEFINING MYSELF IS ALSO FORGIVING MYSELF
I’ve done so many things in the past that I’m really not very proud of, and wish I could undo. But it’s one thing to regret, and quite another to fixate on things I can’t change. What’s done is done. And whenever I stop believing in these words, I look at those who proudly proclaim they’re no different from when they were, say, 18 or 21 or 30. More often than not, these people are, in reality, very unhappy. They’re so busy insisting nothing has changed that they’re incapable of taking on new ideas, learning from others, from growing.
Realising that growth into every new age and phase of my life is a pivotal part of being true to myself, and to being emotionally healthy and whole. It also helps me in identifying my strengths. Yes, as with many things, these may change given the passage of time (and, with it, my definition of myself) but I’m constantly re-evaluating and re-assessing. My strengths are my anchors. They help me
not compare myself less with others.
I’m sure we all know how evil comparison is. It leads to resentment. Self-criticism. Low(er) self-esteem. Comparison is the mother of all slippery slopes, don’t you think?
do think know that once I stop comparing myself with others, I’m one step closer to self-acceptance. Once I learn to like me for who I am, flaws et al, I stop running away from the person I’m meant to be. I’ll also stop caring about how people think of me.
Whether they like me or not. I mean, some will, and some invariably won’t. It’s impossible to be myself if I’m always wondering, “Do they think I’m funny? Does she think I’m fat?? What if they think I’m dumb? Am I good/clever/popular enough to be a part of this clique?”
Consideration of others is important, yes, but not their consideration of me.
That also means no Mrs Yes Woman all the time.
And more of treating myself like I’m my own best friend. Seriously. Acting kind and thoughtful and respectful to myself all the time, not cruel and mean and disparaging. Taking ownership of boosting my self-confidence and ego, you know?
Keep standing out, even when it gets really hard, and accept that I’ll always be different. I’ll always be out of the box.
Doing my own thing. And keeping holding my head up high while doing it.
Remember this. Real is rare. Real is precious. Stay true to yourself. Be yourself. And only yourself. Everyone else is taken. Really, really.
I’m doing something a little different today, and teaming up with Rachel of Garay Treasures to co-host Tuesday’s “Bloggers Who Have Inspired Me” Link-Up. When it comes to being real and authentic, there isn’t quite anyone else who fits the bill like this lady. She has such a beautiful soul and this filters through everything she shares. But, you know, I wouldn’t just take my word for it. Go on, head over to the blog and read her posts. I know you’ll be a fan, like I am.
Rachel is a former full time preschool special education teacher turned full time stay-at-home mum of four children with a passion for substitute teaching and blogging at Garay Treasures on the side. Garay Treasures is a fashion and lifestyle blog with some added posts on faith and everyday treasures. Rachel loves drinking several cups of coffee a day (hot or iced), blogging, reading, and playing with her children. You can follow her on Bloglovin, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook or Pinterest.
Me, your Co-Host Sheela of Sheela Writes:-
Hello there, my name is Sheela. Born and bred in Borneo, I’ve been writing since the age of 7 (heavens, that’s four decades now). In the “real world”, I develop brand/communications strategies for a managed security service provider. I know, completely unexpected, and quite the opposite of what you see on sheelagoh.com, huh? When I’m not poring over words, I collect antique books, work out, and cook. I’m also rather infatuated with true crime, be it from a literary perspective or watching it on the telly. Oh and every Friday, I host something near and dear to my heart, the Project Sister Act Link-Up (it advocates the mindset that dressing one’s age is absolute pish posh), and I’d love for you to come join in.
Now on to the Featured 5 from last week:-
Sophia looked amazing. Perfect look and location for shots. See post here.
I’ve a thing for the chambray dresses, here’s one from Johanna’s post.
Maternity dresses keep getting cuter as Shea shares in this post.
This tunic styled over shorts is fun, from Lee.
I love Eve’s flat layout art in this particular post. Very creative!
1). Please link up recent posts and include the link-up button or post this URL link back on your blog. The posts can be about fashion, DIY projects, recipes, inspiration, tips, etc.
3). Stop by and check out the other bloggers who have linked-up and be inspired.
4). Have fun! Comment below if you have any questions! Thanks for linking-up!
Finally made the transition to AV and am now on YouTube as well as Snapchat (sheela.goh), would adore your support through subscribing to my channel/adding my snaps.
p/s my photos by Sofia Touassa
I link up here.