People talk about it,
Everywhere and all of the time.
What am I referring to? Why, sex, of course. A topic that is, in equal parts, as lambasted over all media channels as it is spoken in hushed, furtive tones.
Yes, let’s talk about sex, baby.
There’s a deviation from my usual blog post.
ARE YOU INTRIGUED YET?
So today, I want to talk about sex. Now this is not an easy one, my friends. I was brought up in an exceedingly conservative environment. To understand just how “fuddy duddy” things were, during an English lesson with my mother, in response to the question of what the plural of “penny” was, I said “pennies“. My mother blushed red as a beetroot, shushed me, blurting, “Don’t say that!!!”
Honestly? I had no idea what she meant. A few years later, I (erroneously) thought it was because I’d made a grammatical mistake. After all, the plural of penny is pence. Many years on, I realised it was because my mother felt my pronunciation of “pennies” was too similar to “penis“.
I told you things were really conventional.
As such, for the first 29 years of my life, I went through life as a sexually active female with the notion that sex was, well, ho-hum. The earth certainly never moved for me (I mean, I didn’t even know it could, or that was supposed to). No fireworks lit up the bedroom ceiling. And my typical post-coitus reaction was, “Well, that’s that“.
When I met my husband, let’s just say a whole new world opened up. I had no idea sex could be that satisfying awesome ground-moving (my parents don’t read my blog on a regular basis, neither does the man, at least, I don’t think they do). That I could let my guard down and relax. That it was perfectly alright to ask for things. To experiment. To play. And to have fun. And that sharing giggles and laughter even as we shared sensual, intimate moments was all part and parcel of foreplay.
Sex became fun. And that’s how it’s supposed to be.
I’ll be upfront. I’m a very sexual person. But for many years, sex was merely something to get checked off the to-do list, you know. There was no tingling. No heady rush of excitement to the head (or anywhere else, for that matter), which, in turn, led to dry, non enjoyable, painful sessions. It was a vicious cycle. One which often left me with the thought, “Now what?”
I never once voiced my desires. Nor, in defense of my partners, gave them an opportunity to change things up. During the day, we’d be friendly strangers and then at night, I was supposed to throw all my inhibitions out the window, and have wild, passionate sex. Like flipping a switch on/off. And we all know that’s just not how things work with the female species.
With my husband, it was different from day one. Foreplay began from the moment we woke up. Little acts we’d do for each other. A hug as we passed each other in the hallway. A gentle caress. He’d make my coffee if he woke up first. I’d walk him out to the garage and stand to wave goodbye as he drove off to work. A kiss sent via text or Telegram. That sort of thing.
By the time the children had gone to bed, and we were alone, well, you get the picture. Intimacy. It all boils down to intimacy, and the right frame of mind. Sex, no, enjoyable (if not mind-blowing) sex begins in the mind. Everything else follows suit.
Of course, there are days when neither one of us feels particularly nice. Or when work has been rougher than usual, and all we want is a (metaphorical) punching bag. And it happens. I won’t lie. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies in the Stella household but we try. We try very hard to not go to bed without a hug, a kiss, and saying, “I love you“.
Awesome sex takes two. By that, I don’t mean Mr and Mrs Stella, nor you and a toy. By two, I mean intimacy and speaking our minds. That’s what awesome sex is all about. And once you open the floodgates, trust me, everything else just flows.
Literally.
Love, Sheela
Finally made the transition to AV and am now on YouTube as well as Snapchat (sheela.goh), would adore your support through subscribing to my channel/adding my snaps.
Pretty please?
p/s my photos by Sofia Touassa
I link up here.
Sheela Writes 
The English lesson with your mom made me laugh. My parents never really talked about sex either, and that’s one thing I do very differently with my kids; I think it’s so important that talking about sex, asking questions, being curious is normal and not strange or weird. (Interestingly, my parents started talking to me about sex in recent years, and I feel like,”You have no right to talk to me about this now since you didn’t talk to me when I was growing up…”).
And “yes” to everything else you wrote! 🙂
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Leave it to you to bring on the fun issues, Sheela!!
How could the physical not be tied to the emotional—it is for everything in our life, eh?
Just like stress can cause bodily harm, lack of intimacy causes bad sex!!
I think it’s the perfect subject for adults–maybe even young adults because isn’t knowledge power?
Isn’t be married to the right person, the best thing ever?
jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
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As a female it’s so important to voice what you like sexually or what you would like to try with your partner! Also you are so correct intimacy is as equally important. Doing those small little things really warms the heart. Great article and cute look!
-Kyanna
http://kyannajames.com/?p=678
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Thank you for sharing such intimate moments of your life, your openness is very inspring
https://lookingfabulousat50.blogspot.com.au
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My mum started to speak with me about sex 3 hours before my weeding. I would prefer to start a little bit earlier. I don’t know – maybe when my puberty started. And not speak about sex only, but to speak about the relationship in general. How to make it work, what is important and what is not. And about this like the intimacy is so important. How sex could be awesome. I hope I’ll be better in this with my son.
And you look fab, btw. Thank you to linking up with My Red Carpet.
Anna xoxo
http://www.glamadventure.com
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Fabulous ruched skirt and lace-up pumps! You look wonderful and I love how this hugs your curves.
Yes, the emotional connection and varied bits of shared intimacy throughout the day makes a tremendous difference in the overall pleasure. It is wonderful to have this kind of connection and freedom with someone.
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My mother would never talk about sex, but my father was like my best friend and I could talk to him about anything. Love and sex are so important, I spent twenty two years in an unhappy marriage. I do have three great children to show for it though. One day I fell in love- it hit me like a thunderbolt ! I married her, and Iv’e never been happier! (bet you didn’t see that coming!)
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Your blush outfit is beautiful!
My parents never talked to me about sex. It’s so important to have open conversations with our spouses and children.
Jill
Doused In Pink
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You are so bold to talk about the bedroom on your blog. I prefer to keep my private life private but great for you for feeling comfortable to open up with your readers. I enjoyed reading your thoughts
michellespaige.com
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I come a similar upbringing where sex was never talked about in our house. It was all learned from friends.
Thank you for being a part of TBT Fashion link up and hope to see you soon!
Alice
http://www.happinessatmidlife.com
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I’m surprised that no one has commented yet about the road sign near the bridge (or is it just me that sees the connection to the topic?). Fortunately, there were no taboo subjects in my parents’ home but there was some conventional thought regarding sex outside of/before marriage but that didn’t stop me. Even so, it can take time (and experimenting with different partners) to accept one’s sexuality and truly own it. Great discussion, thanks for sharing and for hosting.
Rena
http://www.finewhateverblog.com
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I love this post, Sheela! I have been contemplating writing a post about “it’s okay to talk about sex.” Because even in this modern liberal age, there are still so many people who are afraid or uncomfortable even discussing the topic. I love to talk about sex! So, well done, my friend, well done! And I can only think that posing in front of a “slippery when wet” sign was completely intentional, yes? Perfect!
Great outfit as usual. You look amazing!
Shelbee
http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com
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love your look, topic and locations
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