People talk about it,
Everywhere and all of the time.
What am I referring to? Why, sex, of course. A topic that is, in equal parts, as lambasted over all media channels as it is spoken in hushed, furtive tones.
Yes, let’s talk about sex, baby.
There’s a deviation from my usual blog post.
ARE YOU INTRIGUED YET?
So today, I want to talk about sex. Now this is not an easy one, my friends. I was brought up in an exceedingly conservative environment. To understand just how “fuddy duddy” things were, during an English lesson with my mother, in response to the question of what the plural of “penny” was, I said “pennies“. My mother blushed red as a beetroot, shushed me, blurting, “Don’t say that!!!”
Honestly? I had no idea what she meant. A few years later, I (erroneously) thought it was because I’d made a grammatical mistake. After all, the plural of penny is pence. Many years on, I realised it was because my mother felt my pronunciation of “pennies” was too similar to “penis“.
I told you things were really conventional.
As such, for the first 29 years of my life, I went through life as a sexually active female with the notion that sex was, well, ho-hum. The earth certainly never moved for me (I mean, I didn’t even know it could, or that was supposed to). No fireworks lit up the bedroom ceiling. And my typical post-coitus reaction was, “Well, that’s that“.
When I met my husband, let’s just say a whole new world opened up. I had no idea sex could be that
satisfying awesome ground-moving (my parents don’t read my blog on a regular basis, neither does the man, at least, I don’t think they do). That I could let my guard down and relax. That it was perfectly alright to ask for things. To experiment. To play. And to have fun. And that sharing giggles and laughter even as we shared sensual, intimate moments was all part and parcel of foreplay.
Sex became fun. And that’s how it’s supposed to be.
I’ll be upfront. I’m a very sexual person. But for many years, sex was merely something to get checked off the to-do list, you know. There was no tingling. No heady rush of excitement to the head (or anywhere else, for that matter), which, in turn, led to dry, non enjoyable, painful sessions. It was a vicious cycle. One which often left me with the thought, “Now what?”
I never once voiced my desires. Nor, in defense of my partners, gave them an opportunity to change things up. During the day, we’d be friendly strangers and then at night, I was supposed to throw all my inhibitions out the window, and have wild, passionate sex. Like flipping a switch on/off. And we all know that’s just not how things work with the female species.
With my husband, it was different from day one. Foreplay began from the moment we woke up. Little acts we’d do for each other. A hug as we passed each other in the hallway. A gentle caress. He’d make my coffee if he woke up first. I’d walk him out to the garage and stand to wave goodbye as he drove off to work. A kiss sent via text or Telegram. That sort of thing.
By the time the children had gone to bed, and we were alone, well, you get the picture. Intimacy. It all boils down to intimacy, and the right frame of mind. Sex, no, enjoyable (if not mind-blowing) sex begins in the mind. Everything else follows suit.
Of course, there are days when neither one of us feels particularly nice. Or when work has been rougher than usual, and all we want is a (metaphorical) punching bag. And it happens. I won’t lie. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies in the Stella household but we try. We try very hard to not go to bed without a hug, a kiss, and saying, “I love you“.
Awesome sex takes two. By that, I don’t mean Mr and Mrs Stella, nor you and a toy. By two, I mean intimacy and speaking our minds. That’s what awesome sex is all about. And once you open the floodgates, trust me, everything else just flows.
Finally made the transition to AV and am now on YouTube as well as Snapchat (sheela.goh), would adore your support through subscribing to my channel/adding my snaps.
p/s my photos by Sofia Touassa
I link up here.