Why so secretive?
Why all that hush hush?
How is it we talk about our deepest emotions? The state of our relationships? Share our innermost desires and thoughts and fears, and yet hardly anyone talks about sex? Or, for that matter, masturbation? I know, I know, did that come across a little too forcefully?
LET'S START WITH THE OBVIOUS, SHALL WE?
First, the grass is green, the sky is blue, and people masturbate. Gleefully and often. But, for some unfathomable reason, men more so than women. Could it be that many of us are still thinking, “Someday, my prince will come, and so will I.” Emmmm. Question mark. It doesn’t help that the topic of self-love is still brought up in hushed tones, especially amongst women (shaking my head). It’s seemingly impossible to engage in a candid discussion about, ahem, flickin’ the bean, even from girlfriends who are quick to talk about explicit escapades.
This is due partly to the reality that no one wants to talk about vaginas. According to socially constructed conceptions about female genitalia, vaginas remain an inferior sexual organ that releases blood and odours, rather than impressively enlarge and ejaculate. Penises are absolutely everywhere. Scrawled on bathroom stalls and bus stops, and bulging out of David Beckham’s H&M ads. Lady parts can (and should) be known for more than periods, babies, and an orifice to help others get off.
I know, I know, historically, masturbation has gotten a bad rap but honestly? A party for one is still a party, and to put it crudely, this is one party you’ll actually feel better after attending.
Masturbation is a very normal, enjoyable and healthy experience. It’s time to put the taboo subject of women and masturbation to bed (all puns intended), and realise that some days, a little menage a moi might be exactly what you need.
W H Y ?
The big O releases feel-good endorphins that calm you the eff down after a stressful day at work. Or running after baby one and baby two. Or just getting through life in general. Self-love also strengthens your pelvic-floor muscles, toning you up for even more orgasms (think Flywheel for your nether region). It even opens up the cervix to flush out bad bacteria.
Perhaps the sweetest benefit of all? Exploring on your own puts you in touch with what turns you on, which buttons to press (and which to avoid), and all that in turn make for way better sex with your someone else. Once you learn how to give yourself solo Os, you’ll be able to “school” your partner on what you like.
One is so not the loneliest number.
And as tempting as it might be to point the finger at religion for the stigmatisation of “self-abuse,” the few modern writers who have investigated the history of masturbation lay an equal share of the blame on crusading Enlightenment doctors as well as philosophers.
How is it that masturbation remains such a complicated topic in the 21st century?
I think that this is, on a large scale, caused by the stigma that women don’t masturbate. It isn’t ladylike because people with vaginas should be able to control sexual impulses and urges. It’s even gotten to a point where government officials like Ted Cruz want to regulate the practice of, and have fought for the ban of advertisements and sale of sex toys. His legal team argues that “there is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals.”
In a male-dominated world, there are outdated misconceptions about female masturbation and a debilitating silence about giving yourself an orgasm. This causes a lack of knowledge about one’s own body, which can lead to dissatisfaction with a partner. If a woman doesn’t know what she likes, how can she expect someone else to sexually please her?
R I G H T ?
I’m a strong believer in not relying on people for anything, especially not an orgasm. No one (regardless of gender) deserves to be treated like a blow-up doll, beckoned at every
horny desire for a booty call.
Ultimately, this issue comes down to a matter of de-stigmatising masturbation. The more research and education that’s being completed on the subject certainly helps to do so, but the real progress will be when people start to talk about it as openly as they do about sex. Being candid and light-hearted about getting yourself off is the key to normalising it.
Plus, there’s an endless amount of ridiculous terms to use for female masturbation, so we might as well start talking about it.
Whether you’ve only just begun exploring the world of solo play or have been into it for a while now (#noshame either way), take a look at here or here for options. Yes, I’ve shopped at both places myself, and no, I’m not paid to promote either link. I really do believe that sharing is caring. And that knowledge is empowering.
Go ahead, partake in a little self discovery.
And I’m curious to see how many, if any, comment on this post.
And now, here’s a little something different. A link-up. That I’m co-hosting. With Nicole of High Latitude Style. She’s probably no stranger to most, if not all, of you.
Top of the World Style linkup-party
Welcome to the 86th Top of the World Style fashion linkup party. Thanks to all of you stylish ladies and gentlemen who linked up in the past. You and your lovely outfits make this party so exciting, fun, and inspiring. You are an awesome crowd!
First let me introduce you to your hostess, Nicole Mölders is married, has one cat, no kids. She is a fashion, and science enthusiast living in Fairbanks, Alaska and the blogger at High Latitude Style – an Alaska fashion blog with science bits for women in midlife. She shares how to turn fashion into style. She recently published “How to Dress for Success in Midlife.”
Top of the World OOTD
Carrie, blogger at A Lovely Little Wardrobe attracted the most clicks, and hence became Top of the World OOTD Readers’ Fav. Her styling of a purple in four different outfits showed no fear of this tricky color. All outfits looked so effortlessly chic. It seemed like purple is a neutral.
Yana, blogger at A Handful of Stories became Top of the World OOTD My Fav. I love her take on wide leg trousers with a bow tie and hat. A nice tension between very feminine and menswear. The braids make the look sweet and cute. What a great look for a young woman.
Congrats ladies! Please grab your respective featured Top of the World OOTD button from my Linkup Page.
Top of the World Style pinterest board
As a “Thank You” for linking up, I pin photos from this party’s posts to the Top of the World Style Pinterest board. When you want to pin all the photos of your posts on this group board, please follow my boards on pinterest (pinterest requirement to add you), and send me an email to be added to the group board contributors. I will email you the invitation. All you have to do then is to accept the invitation and start pinning your outfits.
Sign up on the email reminder list
When you are new to this party and want to be added to the VIPs who receive an email invitation for the Top of the World Style party please signup using the form below.
When you want to be featured at the party as a co-host, click the link and let me know. We then will agree on a date and I will send you the linkup code that you add to your post.
<a href="https://highlatitudestyle.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/hls-top-of-the-world-style_logo.jpg"><img class=" wp-image-11912 aligncenter" src="https://highlatitudestyle.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/hls-top-of-the-world-style_logo.jpg" alt="#linkup #fashionlinkup #over40fashion | Top of the World Style linkup party logo | High Latitude Style | http://www.highlatitudestyle.com" width="200" height="190" /></a>
- Grab the above banner and put it into your sidebar if you like
- Please follow your Hostess via wordpress, facebook, twitter, pinterest, and/or instagram
- Please follow your Co-hostess via twitter, pinterest, instagram, facebook, and/or bloglovin
- Linkup up to four of your fashion/style posts by simply adding your link below
- Please be a good sports and visit the posts of at least three of your linkup-fellows to give them some traffic, introduce yourself to them to network and to make new friends. If you know them all already, I am sure they still appreciate your stopping by and saying Hi
- Please spread the word about the party so you and everyone of us gets even more traffic. You can share the word about the party easily by tweeting Join the awesome outfits at the Top of the World Style linkup party. Thank you.
Finally made the transition to AV and am now on YouTube as well as Snapchat (sheela.goh), would adore your support through subscribing to my channel/adding my snaps.
I link up here.