This will self destruct in 3 seconds.
(just kidding, ish)
We’ve all been guilty of one or ten self destructive acts in our lifetimes, haven’t we?
I was just talking about it the other day, in one of my conversations with Eve about processing and accepting self love. And decided I wanted to write a list of my Top 10 Acts of Self Destruction. To see which ranked the highest. How it happened. What I could possibly have done differently.
Here we go. The single most self destructive thing I’ve ever done to myself was to believe in someone else’s opinion of me.
I ALLOWED MYSELF TO PUT STOCK INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S PERCEPTION OF ME
I gave someone else permission to rule, manage and control my life, and the way I wanted to live. I handed over my free will to someone else, and basically told them it was alright to let their perspective, their story, their limitations impose upon who I am.
Their vision took priority over mine.
I offered up my freedom and peace of mind, in exchange for approval.
Has it ever happened to you too?
So I’ve been thinking (it’s a dangerous past time, I know) and I do realise that writing aside, I need to consciously stop looking towards other people for validation. It’s perfectly normal to seek validation and, to an extent, it’s a healthy pursuit. But once I allow someone else’s perspective to navigate and control my actions, then it’s just not right. I need to be my own mother, my own father, my own best friend, my own lover. Because whatever wounds I’m carrying from childhood, or from a failed first marriage, or whatever life has dealt me, and no matter the voids I want to fill, they can only be filled by ME.
NO ONE ELSE
Believe you me, I’m not speaking lightly. I know this is much easier said than done. I know this is one of the hardest lessons to learn: that we truly do contain everything we seek. Being the fallible humans that we are, it isn’t often that we see past the ends of our noses.
Think about it.
Everyone else will come and go. Every single one. But I still have to wake up with myself every single morning, and go to bed with myself every single night. Alone in the dark, I keep myself company. Before celebrating a triumph with my husband, I’m fist pumping myself first. I am with me for the rest of my life.
I need to STOP replaying other peoples’ opinions as though they’re gospel.
BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT
They’re someone else’s and, oftentimes, completely unsolicited.
The only opinion that matters is my own, and the only thing that should count is how I feel when I look myself in the mirror. Have I been my best self today? Was I less self critical, less harsh, and less judgemental? Was I kind and patient with myself? Did I allow myself to make mistakes today? And learn from the process? Did I nurture that creative aspect of myself, or was I too wired to meet deadlines to even breathe? Did I think about other people too, and not just myself?
Shaking off what everyone else wants for me is a unique liberation, friend. I can’t even begin to describe how GLORIOUS it feels. It’s a personal revolution. A freedom that instantly clears the path and makes my next move that much more obvious.
Fuck what they say. What do I want?
It could be said that the alchemy of radical self love occurs when you create your own myth, fill yourself up with messages of acceptance, and surround yourself with people, ideas, and images that inspire you to be your biggest, baddest, boldest self.
Not to say that those acts of self destruction will never again explode on my horizon (of course they will, I’m human and I’m wired to fall many times), but at least with all those fail safe measures in place, I can minimise the damage. Make the BOOM smaller. And smaller. And smaller.
(I know it’s Summer and this isn’t a Summer outfit, but as I’ve been propagating, it’s my opinion that matters, right? That and the fact that I have no other looks to share for now, which means you may even see some Fall/Winter garments in future posts GRIN)
What say you?
Shall we dream so big until it embarrasses us? Shall we choose to only spend time around people who act like the VP of our fan clubs (because, of course, we’re the President of our own fan clubs)? And keep kicking ass to make every single day better than the last (because that’s what we do)? What say you?
p/s my photos are by Sofia Touassa
I link up here.