ootd, style
Comments 47

Explosive Moments

This will self destruct in 3 seconds.

3-2-1 BOOOOOOM!!!!!!

(just kidding, ish)

 

We’ve all been guilty of one or ten self destructive acts in our lifetimes, haven’t we?

I was just talking about it the other day, in one of my conversations with Eve about processing and accepting self love.  And decided I wanted to write a list of my Top 10 Acts of Self Destruction.  To see which ranked the highest.  How it happened.  What I could possibly have done differently.

Here we go.  The single most self destructive thing I’ve ever done to myself was to believe in someone else’s opinion of me.

I ALLOWED MYSELF TO PUT STOCK INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S PERCEPTION OF ME

I gave someone else permission to rule, manage and control my life, and the way I wanted to live.  I handed over my free will to someone else, and basically told them it was alright to let their perspective, their story, their limitations impose upon who I am.

Their vision took priority over mine.

I offered up my freedom and peace of mind, in exchange for approval.

Has it ever happened to you too?

So I’ve been thinking (it’s a dangerous past time, I know) and I do realise that writing aside, I need to consciously stop looking towards other people for validation.  It’s perfectly normal to seek validation and, to an extent, it’s a healthy pursuit.  But once I allow someone else’s perspective to navigate and control my actions, then it’s just not right.  I need to be my own mother, my own father, my own best friend, my own lover.  Because whatever wounds I’m carrying from childhood, or from a failed first marriage, or whatever life has dealt me, and no matter the voids I want to fill, they can only be filled by ME.

NO ONE ELSE

Believe you me, I’m not speaking lightly.  I know this is much easier said than done.  I know this is one of the hardest lessons to learn: that we truly do contain everything we seek.  Being the fallible humans that we are, it isn’t often that we see past the ends of our noses.

Think about it.

Everyone else will come and go.  Every single one.  But I still have to wake up with myself every single morning, and go to bed with myself every single night. Alone in the dark, I keep myself company.  Before celebrating a triumph with my husband, I’m fist pumping myself first.  I am with me for the rest of my life.

I need to STOP replaying other peoples’ opinions as though they’re gospel.

BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT

They’re someone else’s and, oftentimes, completely unsolicited.

The only opinion that matters is my own, and the only thing that should count is how I feel when I look myself in the mirror. Have I been my best self today? Was I less self critical, less harsh, and less judgemental? Was I kind and patient with myself? Did I allow myself to make mistakes today? And learn from the process? Did I nurture that creative aspect of myself, or was I too wired to meet deadlines to even breathe? Did I think about other people too, and not just myself?

Shaking off what everyone else wants for me is a unique liberation, friend.  I can’t even begin to describe how GLORIOUS it feels.  It’s a personal revolution.  A freedom that instantly clears the path and makes my next move that much more obvious.

Fuck what they say.  What do I want?

It could be said that the alchemy of radical self love occurs when you create your own myth, fill yourself up with messages of acceptance, and surround yourself with people, ideas, and images that inspire you to be your biggest, baddest, boldest self.

Not to say that those acts of self destruction will never again explode on my horizon (of course they will, I’m human and I’m wired to fall many times), but at least with all those fail safe measures in place, I can minimise the damage.  Make the BOOM smaller.  And smaller.  And smaller.

(I know it’s Summer and this isn’t a Summer outfit, but as I’ve been propagating, it’s my opinion that matters, right?  That and the fact that I have no other looks to share for now, which means you may even see some Fall/Winter garments in future posts GRIN)

What say you?

Shall we dream so big until it embarrasses us?  Shall we choose to only spend time around people who act like the VP of our fan clubs (because, of course, we’re the President of our own fan clubs)?  And keep kicking ass to make every single day better than the last (because that’s what we do)?  What say you?

 

Love, Sheela

p/s my photos are by Sofia Touassa

I link up here.

47 Comments

  1. Jodie says

    Ahhhhh…but it’s those mistakes that makes us so much wiser, no? Because if we never had those —how would be have even learned such strength?? And as much as we can expound our wisdom to others, sometimes there is nothing like learning and living it yourself.
    That being said, I will say that it’s important to be kind to others—even if you don’t want their approval. Maybe not everyone thinks this, but I’m on a kindness kick.
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You always write in a very interresting way. Always want to read your hole story.
    I always say: you have to think of your self as a fantastic human, because no one else does!

    Like

  3. I think everyone feels like they’ve let themselves down at some point in their life. I certainly did, and not just once, too! It’s really just human nature. The most important thing is you dust yourself off the negativity and power right through ahead, and that’s what matters.

    And: Yes, DREAM BIG, surround yourself with people who value you, and ALWAYS kick asses.

    On a different note, oh my God LOVE THAT DRESS. I’d totally wear it if it comes in maxi length.

    Like

  4. shelbeeontheedge1 says

    “Shall we dream so big until it embarrasses us?” That is a big resounding “FUCK YES!” you hear coming from me! These mistakes, these self-destructive behaviors, all of it, teach us to be strong, resilient, self-loving, and super protective of our egos and the self-confidence we have taken a lifetime to build! At this stage of the game, at this stage of life, I have worked too hard, put in too many hours and too much effort to create within myself the best person I know. Sure, I am not without faults and flaws. Who is? But I am better than ever and nothing can take that away from me…especially the opinions and perspectives of others! You rock, as always, spot on. Keep being your strong, resilient, amazing, best version of yourself!

    Shelbee
    http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com

    Like

  5. Amy Arnold says

    I am obsessed with this dress! The print and cut are totally up my alley. Isn’t it funny how we can be our own worst enemies.

    Amy Ann
    Straight A Style

    Like

  6. Love this dress on you! let’s face it, as hot as it is in the summer, if I truly had to wear what the weather dictated, Id be walking around in my underwear! haha. I know what you mean about approval, my mom told me recently that I need to stop searching for other’s approval, at 49! I suppose it is human nature a bit, but you are right, what is most important is how we feel about ourselves.
    Enjoy the day!
    jess xx
    http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com

    Like

  7. Suzy Turner says

    What a brilliant post, Sheela! We certainly mustn’t be so affected by others when we’re the ones that matter in our own lives. LOVE that dress and heels 🙂
    Suzy xxx
    http://www.suzyturner.com

    Like

  8. As always your writing and thoughts make me think deep, impress me and interest me with no end. You are an amazing writer and an even more amazing and thoughtful thinker. You write with a purpose. I couldn’t agree more. We only got our own self at the end of the day, till the end of our lives. We need to be our own friend, mother, father, lover, sister, brother as you said.

    Outfit wise, as always you wear the boldest prints with pizzazz. Such a great dress but I truly love that embroidered purse and those pom pom adorned pumps are stunning!

    Have a great day being the best you can Sheela!

    Like

  9. I find myself still wanting others approval but at the same time not at the expense of my happiness. I was in a terrible relationship where I was last. At everything. I had to go to counseling after to help myself process and find out the why behind it. It took years and one amazing man (my hubby) who showed me what I deserve and that I need to put myself first.

    http://www.mylittlenest.org

    Like

  10. Thank you for bravely opening up and sharing your thoughts, fears and journey. It was beautifully written and inspirational. The dress you are wearing is obsession-worthy and it looks so lovely on you. Sending you happy vibes and cyber hugs. Xo Jonet

    http://www.FabulouslyChicOver50.com

    Like

  11. Really interesting post, I think you are so right about other peoples opinions having so much sway over our lives and to do that someone needs to give people permission (us)! The silly thing is we are often really good at building up other people and encouraging them – but lousy at giving ourselves the same kindness. One thing I learnt when my children were really young was to take all advice and think about it – if it is meant for you and kindly meant then what is the harm in accepting it, whether you use it or not. However when “advice” is not to help or demeans you – then it isn’t advice at all – that’s criticism and you can just leave that behind as it won’t do you any good at all

    Like

  12. busyandfab says

    It happened to me too but it’s part of being young I guess, at least I’ve learned my lesson and never again haha. Love your printed dress and the embroidered bag. I like the way you style this look.

    http://www.busyandfab.com

    Like

  13. Love this dress and the shoes! Looks fab on you and I agree we “should” all care less about what other say or think but unfortunately we all do it…
    Nora

    Like

  14. Such positive thoughts Sheela, very inspiring. Love the outfit it looks fab on you. x Jacqui
    mummabstylish

    Like

  15. Ahhh Sheela…so well said as always. Yes, we can be our own worst enemy or best friend and why not choose friend? This post is such a refreshing reminder to not worry about what others think, because in the end it is ourselves that we are accountable to. And by the way, I’m loving this fall look you are wearing, this dress is gorgeous – always such gorgeous inspiration!
    Thank you for your bold honesty and words!
    XO
    Suzanne
    http://www.AskSuzanneBell.com

    Like

  16. stinedurfdl says

    You and I are so often in the same place mentally my friend. There’s been a blog post kicking around in my head for a long time now that I haven’t yet brought myself to write. This post touches on what’s in my brain and perhaps this will be the impetus I need to let it out. It’s oftentimes so hard to get past the sway the voices in our head hold over us. I know for me it’s a constant battle. You, beautiful soul that you are, are my inspiration. xo
    Debbie
    http://www.fashionfairydust.com

    Like

  17. No Fear of Fashion says

    Yes, I have also allowed the opinion of others to rule what I thought about myself. But not for long and no more.
    Now …. I opened your blog and this was the first picture I saw of you since months. And I thought:
    “BLOODY hell, she looks absolutely gorgeous and SO THIN!! Great dress, the best, most adorable shoes (I want them), great legs.”
    I know you won’t believe that last thing, but it is what I thought, not kidding or flattering you. I am Dutch, we are honest to the rude. I always have to filter my comments. No need for that with this comment.
    Woman you are on top of the world. Now give me those shoes.
    Greetje

    Liked by 1 person

  18. It’s sometimes hard not to let others opinions affect us. We need to spend more time with the people who are always there to support us! Love this chic look! Your dress is stunning!

    Jill
    Doused In Pink

    Like

  19. Sheela, I really needed to read this, girl, so I’m so thankful you’ve written and shared this post with us. In a time where we’re being made to believe that we’re only as good as the amount of followers and likes we receive on the daily, it can be so hard to get caught up in other people expectations and to crave validation so much that we lose sight of who we truly are and what we love about ourselves. You’re right, at the end of the day, we are stuck with ourselves, forever. People will always come and go, but we can never be separated from ourselves, which makes loving and truly nurturing ourselves that much more important. Thanks for this reminder and of course, you look amazing as always; I adore that unique ring! I hope you’re having a great start to your week so far!

    XO,

    Jalisa
    http://www.thestylecontour.com

    Like

  20. thestylesplash says

    I’ve done some very self-destructive things in the past and although I have definitely learned from them it’s hard not to stay annoyed with myself. But that won’t change anything or be in any way helpful so there’s no point dwelling on it. You have to learn from mistakes and move on. I encourage my daughter to be resilient and she amazes me by how different she is from me at that age (she’s almost 8). I was so shy and timid, but she just gets stuck into anything that comes her way. You look incredible in that gorgeous dress…and those shoes are just fabulous!

    Emma xxx
    http://www.style-splash.com

    Like

  21. Have you read the book Unfu*k Yourself? I think you’d really enjoy it. It doesn’t tell you to think positively and change your mindset. Instead, it’s something much more powerful. It provides simple and obvious lessons that can really alter the way you approach the way you think about yourself. Try it out!

    xx Yasmin
    http://banglesandbungalows.com

    Like

  22. We’ve all been there Sheela. Just do your best and don’t beat yourself up over anything. Self-love is so important! And I adore this beautiful look!

    xo Elizabeth | stylewich.com

    Like

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