Shall We Be Friends?

I want to be your friend

Do you want to be my friend too?


I’m not quite sure how to begin this post.  Wait, actually, I do.  I want to preface things by saying that my husband was is fully aware (and supportive) of every app and website I’ve joined, in my pursuit of finding myself a friend.  Or three.  And that when I first embarked upon this journey, mah boo thought I was stepping out on my man.  Shaking my head.  Alright, moving on.

So yes.  Building upon my earlier post, for the last 6 to 8 weeks, I’ve been trying to make friends.  And in this day and age, that basically translates into seeking people out online, and introducing oneself electronically, all in the hopes of “connecting”.  An entirely new concept for me.  Something I’ve never done before because, you know, I’m in my 40s and I’m old school, and I’ve never been particularly fond of people to begin with.  Let me regale you with what I’ve been doing to achieve all that.  And the results thereof.

No judging, ok?

A N D    N O    L A U G H I N G

Shall We Be Friends | Sheela WritesShall We Be Friends | Sheela WritesShall We Be Friends | Sheela WritesShall We Be Friends | Sheela Writes

Denim Jumpsuit (AmiClubwear) | Bomber Jacket (purchased in Sarawak) | Blue Booties (GX by Gwen Stefani) | Oversized Sunnies (Poshmark) | Lipstick (Leo @ Kylie Cosmetics)

A cursory search on the world wide web yielded page upon page of dating websites.  Places where you meet your soulmate.  Or if you want to get laid.  Or be a part of some kinky game.  I’m not judging, believe me.  Your likes and dislikes are your prerogatives.  What I am bitching about, however, is the dearth of websites wherein you can actually connect with people.  Be it on a professional level.  Or based on shared interests.  To network, and perhaps build upon that initial contact to (hopefully) acquire a friend with time.

Because these websites are so misleading, I tell you.  They preach networking and making friends that you can eventually meet IRL (I got with the programme) when in reality, it’s mainly only about girl + girl hooking up.  Or girl + girl + (surprise, unexpected) guy hooking up.

S   I   G  H

Shall We Be Friends | Sheela WritesShall We Be Friends | Sheela WritesShall We Be Friends | Sheela WritesShall We Be Friends | Sheela Writes

I felt very stupid, yes. 

Naive and gullible, and stupid.

Not that I’m blaming the website per se.  Much.  It’s the users themselves who shape what they’re looking for ultimately, yes, but for someone like me who is earnestly trying to expand her network to beyond her husband, her children, and her parents, it has been a frustrating ordeal.  For instance, I don’t think I’ve ever received as many nude images or pictures of genitalia in my entire life as I have over the previous two months.

Nor have I ever been so exposed to such an onslaught of interesting (and I use that term loosely) words.  Unicorn.  FFM.  MMF.  DDF.  420 friendly.  Good lord.  All I wanted was a friend.

And learning that a Gender Nation Glossary exists out there.

I was not expecting any of this.

My head, it spun.

Shall We Be Friends | Sheela WritesShall We Be Friends | Sheela WritesShall We Be Friends | Sheela WritesShall We Be Friends | Sheela Writes

So, my dear friends, the conclusion of my friend-finding mission thus far is, well, that there is no conclusion.  I’m sorry.  I know it’s anti-climatic but that’s the gospel truth.  The sum of my endeavours spanning numerous websites and quite a number of apps, across a period of almost two months, I’ve come up empty.  Yup, empty.  It’s enough to drive a woman to find a friend the old fashioned way.  At the gym?  Starbucks (but I’d have to learn to drink coffee first, I suspect)?  The bookstore?  Perhaps even the park?  I don’t know.

Please do not get me started on networking events.  I’m not fond of them because (a) I don’t drink; (b) I don’t like crowds; (c) I don’t like networking; and (d) I don’t like people so no networking events.

Onward ho to my awesome gig now Jodie and her ladies, and Eve.

We began this Charlie’s Angels week with Natalie Cook on Monday.  And today, we have Dylan Sanders.  Tough and tomboyish, eclectic and cool, into grunge and band tee shirts, anything with a 70s vibe, jumpsuits, denim, and a very bold lip.

Eve, Teens (the world according to eve)

Eve | The World According To Eve

Everything Eve’s wearing should look all wrong together but hell if they don’t come together in the most chaotic of aesthetic bliss. From the stripes to the processions of ruffles and the B&W graphic print of palm trees on her pants, she is absolutely rocking her Dylan look.

Sheela, 40s (sheela writes)

Full disclosure: at this point, the entire side zipper had come apart and my jumpsuit was about to flap down over my chest, and torso, completely exposing me to the world.  Welcome to the dark (and creative) side of blogging.

Jodie, 50s (jodie’s touch of style)

Jodie | Jodie's Touch Of Style

This outfit of Jodie’s harkens not only to Dylan but also the original trio of ass-kicking Charlie’s Angels, in particular the character played by Kate Jackson.  In part gamine and boyish, in part whimsical and charming.  Utterly female.

Nancy, 60s (jodie’s touch of style)

Nancy | Jodie's Touch Of Style

Nancy and I are onesie twins this time around, hers leaning towards the plush side of burgundy in the softest, most feminine of fabrics.  She’s far from a wallflower though as clearly evidenced by that grungy denim jacket and equally hip boots with side buckles.

Charlotte, 70s (jodie’s touch of style)

Charlotte | Jodie's Touch Of Style

I can imagine Dylan wearing this as her version of  a power suit.  Making deals.  Wining and dining.  Getting the upper hand over egotistical megalomaniacs out to take over the world, without breaking a sweat.  And then breaking down into a goofy dance routine.

To date, you’ve seen us play Natalie Cook as well as Dylan Sanders, do you have a fave between these two fabulous ladies?  Or is Alex Munday (concluding the series on Friday) your muse?  Do tell.

Seriously though, if you have any ideas on how to lift myself out of this empty nest funk (and I say that because I really do want to make new friends, and not because it’s expected of me to have a social life), I would welcome them with open arms.

Please do also join in the discussion and leave me a comment, because many most of my posts are inspired by what you say, how you feel, your thoughts.


Love, Sheela

p/s my photos are by Sofia Touassa

I link up here.


8 Replies to “Shall We Be Friends?”

  1. I can’t even imagine the interesting characters you have met while looking for friends, Sheela!! It could be a story unto itself….quite humorous or strange….
    But finding a friend is like finding a husband—it can be so elusive, yet then smack you in the face!! Feast or famine like I always say!!
    And I love that your jumpsuit is falling apart by the end!! Probably because you were moving and grooving so much, ha ha!!


  2. Try MEETUP …you do things that you like and maybe meet someone there if you keep attending you just meld into the group and then maybe you can splinter off into relationships ? I know people who have done so…joined a hiking group, etc. I don’t like people enough to do it myself 🙂 Good luck!


  3. Sheela I would definitely friend you. Sometimes the best friendships are those that develop when you least expect it.  It’s good to have a mix group of friends. Going outside the box of your typical group of friends may be exactly what you need to find new people with whom to associate with. Also humor helps people to see that you don’t take your yourself so seriously. It can also help to put your new potential friend at ease. The reason is because when two people first meet they often run into a little awkwardness at some point in time. Also Sheela , it’s exciting enough to embark on new territory when meeting a friend, but don’t put your safety in jeopardy just to make a new companion. This is especially the case when meeting someone online. Protect yourself by being smart and not allowing anyone to take advantage of you.


  4. Another great post, Sheela! Although, I could not help but laugh at the onslaught of crazy things that you received in your pursuit. I am sorry that I chuckled. It is disturbing and uncomfortable and makes one wonder about the nature of the social world! I suppose it was an uncomfortable laugh that came out of me, not sure how else to react to that information. But I have to say this…you are not alone…making new friends at this stage of life is difficult even for the most social of us. Being a military spouse, people come and go and making new friends is always an obstacle for me. Since my children are still young, I have made quite a few wonderful friends at schools and playgrounds, etc. But I do want to share with this you…I don’t want all of my friends to be friends with young children. I need variety. And I need more in common than just kids. So yesterday, I ventured out alone in my small community and visited a new art gallery that just opened. (I will be writing a post about that soon). Being a brand new venue, I was the only visitor when I arrived. I ended up sitting and chatting with the owner for 4 hours…quickly discovering that we have so much in common…and not just the fact that we have kids. It was amazing and uplifting to meet this wonderfully amazing and unique woman literally right down the street from me. So perhaps finding small artistic venues to visit may uncover potentially better friend matches for you than online groups. The keyword being small so you don’t feel overwhelmed by too many people. I wish you luck, my friend. You will succeed at this friend making mission, I am sure, because you are fabulous!



  5. My goodness, I didn’t realise it was such a minefield! When I relocated four and a half years ago I felt very friendless but then my daughter started school and I’ve made friendships with other parents. I also started volunteering at an animal hospital in the summer which has led to me meeting other likeminded people. I get on really well with my colleagues too, but to be honest I have a crap social life! I live too far away from work to socialise with them. I love blogger meet ups, it’s like being let out to play!

    Emma xxx


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