All Laced-Up & Ready To Go

Racy, lacy, dicey.

Hey, that even rhymed.

As a few of you already know, a new chapter in my life has begun.

Some time ago, I ended my 16 year relationship with Pierluigi.  There was no infidelity.  No, nothing of the sort.  I walked away after almost two decades together because I had lost myself.  I had spent so much time being mother, wife, colleague that Sheela had completely disappeared.  I had no purpose.  I felt absorbed.  Missing.  Lacking.  Gone.

I    H A D    B E C O M E    I N V I S I B L E

Lest anyone casts that first stone, let me preface it by saying that I have absolutely no regrets in taking on those three roles.  I love Eve more than life itself, and I wanted to be the sort of parent who was always there.  Always present in as many ways as possible.  Her needs came before mine, and they always will.

Being a wife to Pierluigi was an all-consuming affair, and I was alright with that.  Until I wasn’t. We (still) share many wonderful memories created during our years together, and I refuse to tarnish that by speaking ill of him, or of our relationship.  Everything that has happened, happened for a reason, and helped shape the woman I am today.

When I first began working at Network Box, it was supposed to be part-time, and no more than 20 hours a month.  Over time, that increased to approximately every hour of every day (weekends included), and my blog became slowly (but surely) neglected.  I’m sure you, dear reader, have noticed the erratic posts.  Long periods of absenteeism and silence in between new content.  The thing I loved (and which fed my soul) fell through the cracks.  The one outlet to express my thoughts and emotions (and maintain my sanity), was no longer there.

T H I N G S    H A D    T O    C H A N G E

So, despite being completely petrified (which I still am, incidentally), I officially separated from Pierluigi, moved into my own place a week ago (me and mah boo), and am now working towards finding myself again.  Do not think I made this decision lightly.  I go through panic attacks on a daily basis, and find myself throwing up frequently out of anxiety.

Thoughts cloud my mind and my heart.  Could’ve.  Would’ve.  Should’ve.

But I have to do this.  To save me.

I know this may seem drastic to some.  And utter madness to others.  Whilst yet some others will completely understand what I’m talking about.  Who may even have taken those same steps themselves, and who are now (for want of another expression) better for it.

Found.

Whole.

That’s what I’m hoping to do.

That’s why I’m on this journey now.

I seek a better understanding of myself, what I (really really) want out of life.  What makes me happy.  I need to find Sheela again.

Invest time in myself.

Make myself a priority and not feel guilty about that.

Does that make sense?

Anyway, onto the matter at hand.  The Fab 40s.  And the theme I chose for this month.  Laced-Up.  A theme sufficiently vague that it lends itself to a plethora of interpretations.  Something that has not been lost on my fellow fierce friends, as you will soon see for yourself.

There’s lacing.

And lace.

And different types of lacing-up.

Oooh.  Pretty in pink GRIN and too adorable for words.

Jennie, A Pocketful Of Polka Dots

Hubba hubba hubba.

Top (Kenzo ) | Laced-Up Jeans (Mango) | Boots (I can’t remember) | Leather Jacket (Blank NYC) | Yellow Cuff c/o Unearthed.etsy.com | Sunnies (Chanel)

Happy Monday, everyone!!  As I write this, I’m sitting on my newly unpacked (and assembled red suede couch), with a just assembled glass coffee table in front of me, and mountains of boxes all around me.  WiFi is spotty (at best) and I have so much to unpack that I am (almost) tempted to check into the nearest hotel.

But you know what, I wouldn’t trade this new life for anything in the world.

KISSES!!!

Love, Sheela

p/s I link up here.